One Tuesday, as I lay in bed,
about to go to sleep,
I heard a voice that called my name,
a voice quite soft and deep.
“Hey, Pete,” it said, “are you awake?
I have to go outside.”
I was so startled by the voice,
my impulse was to hide.
But there before me was my dog,
two inches from my nose.
It was so strange to hear him talk,
I couldn’t move — I froze.
“Please let me out so I don’t pee
right on your bedroom floor.”
He looked so desperate, I got up,
and we rushed to the door.
After that, Butch talked a lot;
our set-up was quite neat.
He spied on people close to me —
one secret earned one treat.
And so I found out many things
about my brother, Brad,
and many of those things, I know,
sure made him look quite bad.
And so I thought I’d blackmail Brad
to make some extra cash.
If he paid up, I’d promise him,
his image I’d not trash.
My plan in place and set to go,
I went to find old Brad,
and then I overheard the words
that made me hopping mad.
“You won’t believe,” a voice did say,
“he takes his bear to bed!”
I heard my brother start to laugh
which filled me with great dread.
Today, I will not talk to Butch
because I know he lies.
He talks to Brad, which isn’t fair,
and, on me, that dog spies!