The Letter To Santa

My sister wrote to Santa Claus

because of things I’ve done.

She thinks I’ll make his “naughty list”.

I think those things were fun.

I squirted her with water

and I scared her really bad.

She said I wasn’t funny

and just got really mad!

And so she wrote her letter,

and mailed it that same day.

She said for all my rotten things,

I’m really going to pay.

She said, “Forget the bike you want

cause coal is what you’ll get.”

I smiled at her and laughed a bit,

then said, “That’s quite the threat!”

Her letter will make Santa laugh!

I know that and here’s why —

he’s sure to think the way I do

cause Santa’s still a guy!

The Dentist

I’m going to the dentist

which kind of makes me ill.

I’m worried that he’ll find a tooth

that he thinks he should fill.

Mom says I shouldn’t worry

cause I have had no pain,

but I can’t stop that dental drill

from buzzing in my brain.

If I don’t get a filling,

I’m going to brush much more,

and floss for several minutes

though flossing is a bore.

If I don’t get a filling,

that really will be dandy,

and all the proof that I will need

to keep on eating candy!

Vegetables

I have a problem with my mom

at every evening meal.

She says I must eat vegetables

no matter how I feel.

I tell her celery makes me feel

my hair is made of string,

and that spinach, beans, and corn

make my toenails sting.

Potatoes make my left ear itch,

tomatoes make me sleep,

turnips make me nervous,

and broccoli makes me weep.

Mom says that I’m just whining

and trying to get my way,

and if I don’t eat vegetables,

well, she won’t let me play!

Then yesterday at school,

I started feeling sick,

and for some reason, I just craved

a great big carrot stick!

Popping Popcorn

Popcorn’s an exciting treat

and popping it is quite a feat.

Kernels in the popper go,

where heating them is rather slow.

But then –

KABOOM!

KABANG!

KAPOW!

I watch the kernels and think ”Wow!”

Their transformation is a sight

from hard and gold

to soft and white.

I then eat popcorn really fast

cause making more is such a blast!

My Homer

I really should have studied

for this test today,

but what I did instead of that

was go outside and play.

I thought I’d play a short while,

and then I’d read my book,

and so I went down to the park

to have a little look.

The guys were playing baseball

and so I joined the game,

and then I hit a home run!

My home run is to blame!

That homer is the reason

my test I just forgot.

I really had been planning

to study quite a lot.

My home run was impressive,

and all the guys did say,

“That homer was a monster hit”,

so I just had to stay.

It was the greatest feeling

cause most guys struck right out.

I was the coolest guy last night —

there really was no doubt.

But now today I’m sweating

and really have no clue,

concerning photosynthesis

or what plant life can do.

I know my folks will lecture

when they see my grade,

and thinking of my home run now,

I’m still glad that I played!

Green

Ashley is the strangest kid

that you have ever seen.

The reason is the girl’s obsession

with the colour green.

Her socks and shoes and all her clothes

are green as green can be.

When looking at her books and pens,

yes, green is all you see.

Her pillows, sheets, her bedspread too,

her rug, her desk, her blind,

they are the greenest greeny green

that you will ever find.

It makes me nervous all this green!

It worries me at night!

For I am Ashley’s little dog,

and so far, I’m still white.

This poem was first published in 2001 in The New Toe: Poems To Tickle Your Funnybone.

Romance in Grade Two

I really loved sweet Mary Lou

who sat beside me in grade two.

Her eyes were big and bright, bright green.

She always smiled — was never mean.

She never noticed me at all,

cause I was short and she was tall,

and so I thought I’d write a note.

I thought real hard and then I wrote.

I folded it and had to smile.

I looked at her across the aisle,

and threw the note right on her book.

She opened it and had a look.

She started laughing at the note,

at the message that I wrote,

and as she laughed, I played it cool,

cause after all, we were in school.

She couldn’t stop laughing for a while

and on my face, I wore a smile,

cause in that note to Mary Lou,

in great big letters, I wrote, “BOO!”

Rained Out

It really is a rainy day.

The sky is just a solid grey.

My coach has phoned to let us know

my baseball game is not a go.

I’m really sad and this is why —

I felt inside I’d catch a fly.

I was sure that, most of all,

each time at bat, I’d hit the ball.

This was to be my greatest game.

Would be the one to bring me fame!

Everyone would be my fan.

The guys would tell me, “You’re the man!”

But now the rain has ruined it all,

and so today I can’t play ball,

yet baseball glory I’ll soon earn

cause how to play it, I’ll soon learn!

Bruce – the Mouthy Mouse

Bruce was quite a mouthy mouse

who tried to tease the cat.

The other mice all said that Bruce

was just a little brat.

The cat, of course, agreed with them,

but he didn’t really care.

While Bruce called him some nasty names,

the cat would only stare.

He stared at Bruce and even smiled,

so Bruce did harder try

to anger that old pussycat —

yes, Bruce was quite the guy.

Eventually, Bruce had to stop

because his mom yelled, “Dinner”,

and cause the cat did not get mad,

his cool made him the winner.

But Bruce looked stupid as could be;

he looked just like a fool,

so if you run into a Bruce,

just smile and play it cool.