The Spare Toe

When Bob took off his sock one night,

the poor boy got an awful fright,

for there beside his great big toe

he saw another start to grow!

“Good grief!” he said, “This is all wrong.

A toe right there just won’t belong.

Ten toes, not more, is standard fare.

An extra toe will be a spare.”

He thought some more and did decide

that extra toe he’d not abide.

He did not want someone to stare

at his strange toe that was a spare.

He thought for days to form a scheme,

and then one night, while in a dream,

he realized what he must do

to keep that toe from public view.

Perhaps his plan he took too far!

Indeed some think Bob is bizarre,

for people always feel some shock

to see Bob swim still in one sock!

Piano Lessons

I wanted to take lessons

and play our piano well

with “Mary Had a Little Lamb”

and “Farmer in the Dell”.

And so my mother got me

a teacher named Miss Dunn,

but now I’m s’posed to practice

and practicing’s no fun.

Miss Dunn says, “Curve your fingers.”

Miss Dunn says, “Count each bar.”

But what she’s really teaching me is

I’m no music star!

I’ll try to play a “C” note,

and only find the “D”.

When aiming for an “F” note,

I’m sure to strike an “E”.

And so my songs sound awful.

My brother plugs his ears,

and I don’t really blame him,

cause I know what he hears.

Mom says I can’t quit lessons

until I’ve done a year,

and so I’ve now ruined many songs

that I once held quite dear.

Yes, when this year is over,

and lessons are long gone,

if I want some music,

I’ll put a CD on.

Revenge on Benny

I used to think my dog was great —

right now, I wonder why!

You see, he ruined my favourite doll,

and that sure made me cry.

I yelled at Benny really loud

and showed him what he’d done.

His tail went down, his ears did too,

and off that dog did run.

He’s in his bed and looks upset.

Mom says she thinks he’s sad.

She says I should forgive him now,

but I’m still too darn mad!

In a while, I’ll call his name

and use a friendly tone.

I’ll pet him lots — he’ll wag his tail,

but first, I’ll hide his bone!

My Brother’s April Fools’ Day

On April 1st, my brother, Fred,

couldn’t believe what I had said.

I’d said that if the wind was right,

even trucks could be in flight.

“Of course,” I said, “it is the truth;

a truck could land right on our roof.

Even cows can fly around.”

Now my brother really frowned.

“It’s April 1st,” he said to me,

“and what you say just cannot be.

Trucks and cows sure cannot fly!

I’m not a fool — I know you lie!”

“I know I’m right,” I said with glee,

“but why not make a bet with me.

A bag of chips will be the pay.”

He shook my hand without delay.

On April 1st, dear Fred did learn

tornados are a real concern.

I knew he’d doubt me on that day,

and that the chips he’d have to pay!

This was first posted last April Fool’s Day! (Don’t be surprised if you see it once again a year from now.😊)

Potty Training

My mother’s trying to potty train

my little brother, Bob,

but when she sits him on the pot,

he will not do the job.

He sits until my mom decides

the time must not be right.

His big boy pants are then pulled up,

which fills him with delight.

It’s after Bob goes off to play

that nature starts to call,

and from the way the boy reacts,

he does not hear at all.

So after just a little bath,

Bob’s on the pot once more,

and my mom sits and watches him —

which is an awful bore.

I know my mom will win this war

though patience will be strained.

She has the right experience,

for I am potty-trained.

The Lemonade Stand

Jamie said that we’d have fun

and make a lot of money.

My sister said our plans were dumb

and laughed and called us funny.

We planned to sell some lemonade

for fifty cents a cup.

My mother helped us made a jug

and things were looking up.

A card table and kitchen chairs

were set up on our lawn.

We talked about the things we’d buy

when lemonade was gone.

Jamie said he’d buy a bike.

I planned to buy a cat,

and as we planned quite happily,

the lemonade just sat.

Finally, a man walked by,

the first to pay the price,

and as he drank the lemonade,

he said it tasted nice.

We told him all about our plans.

He laughed and said, “That’s great!”

He left – we sold a little more.

Our plans were not our fate.

Jamie said that he was bored

and didn’t need a bike.

I knew I didn’t need a cat –

we have a dog named Spike.

The total money that we made,

my mother said was dandy,

and then we went down to the store

and spent it all on candy!

The Worst Valentine’s Day

I knew Jane stole a valentine

to me from Douglas Ryan,

and when I asked her for it back,

that’s when she started lyin’.

She said, “I never touched that thing.

Why would you think I had?”

I knew that she was lying,

so I started getting mad!

“I know you did. You needn’t lie.”

(Her theft I hadn’t seen.)

“The reason that you took that card

is cause you’re jealous green.”

“You’re nuts,” she said, “you’re really nuts!”

while tears rolled down her cheeks,

so then I said, “Doug likes me best,

and you’ve loved him for weeks.”

The kids all took sides, one by one;

soon everyone was mad.

It was the world’s worst day of love

the world has ever had.

So when I got home with my stack

of valentines and stuff,

my mother took one look at me

and knew my day’d been rough.

Still mad about the missing card,

I slumped down in a chair,

and had a little crying jag

beneath my mother’s stare.

She crouched beside me as I cried

and then gave me a hug,

while picking up a valentine,

she softly said, “Who’s Doug?”

This was first posted in 2021 with the title “The Valentine”.

Dating in Grade Two

There is a new girl in our class

who Tommy said he likes.

He talked about her all the time

that we rode on our bikes.

He said that he would ask her out

and asked me what to do.

I told him he was acting dumb

since we’re just in grade two.

So now, today, my friend has said

I gave him great advice,

cause he has now decided that

the new girl’s not that nice.

In fact, he now thinks that he’ll wait

and wants to be like me.

Yes, we’ve decided not to date

until we’re in grade three.

The Christmas Pig

A mean old woman bought a pig

cause pork she liked to eat.

She planned to fatten up the hog

and named the poor pig “Pete”.

Now Pete was not a stupid beast —

he knew what she had planned,

and starring on a menu was

just more than he could stand!

Pete’s pen was right beside her house;

its drainpipe stretched right down,

and each night Pete would dream about

pork baked a golden brown.

Since Christmas Eve was coming soon,

a great escape Pete planned.

He’d climb the drainpipe to the roof

where Santa then would land.

Finally, Christmas Eve arrived;

Pete shimmied to his fate.

He hid behind the chimney praying

Santa wouldn’t be late.

At last, the poor pig heard the sound

of sleigh bells in the sky.

He spotted Rudoph’s shining nose

and watched the reindeer fly.

They landed right beside the pig

who grunted with delight

and greeted Santa with a hug,

then told him of his plight.

Soon Pete clung on to Dancer’s back

and flew through clouds so murky.

All the while, he thanked the stars

that he was not a turkey.

This was first posted in December 2020, and you can expect to see it in December 2023!

Regrets (Contemplating a Letter to Santa)

Last night I just couldn’t get to sleep.

I tossed and turned all night,

cause Santa Claus is coming soon,

which fills me with great fright.

You see, I’ve done some things this year

that now — I sure regret,

and thinking of those things I’ve done

is making me now fret.

I think I’ll write to Santa Claus

and tell him I feel sad

about the rotten things I’ve done

which I know now were bad.

I shouldn’t have said that certain word!

I shouldn’t have tripped those kids!

I shouldn’t have wrecked Mom’s dinner

loos’ning salt and pepper lids.

I shouldn’t have hidden in the shed

to scare my dad and mom,

and putting worms in Ashley’s shoes

was nothing short of dumb.

I shouldn’t have brought my frog to church!

I shouldn’t have set him free!

I shouldn’t have laughed when Freddy

hopped upon that lady’s knee!

I’ll tell St. Nick I’m changing.

I’ll do things folks will like.

I’ll tell him it’s a promise IF —

he’ll just bring me that bike!

This poem was first posted in April 2020. Why I first posted it in April, I’ll never know, but, just for the records, expect to see it next December again.