The Bad Joke

My dog is sitting in our car,

and I can tell he’s mad.

His tail is sure not wagging

which means he isn’t glad.

I’d thought it would be funny

to play a little joke,

and so I’d hollered “Car, car!”

My sleeping dog awoke.

His tail began a-wagging,

just like I knew it would,

so in the driveway by the car

the two of us soon stood.

I opened up the car door,

and Henry jumped inside,

and then I started laughing

and called him to my side.

But Henry wasn’t budging.

His tail no longer wagged.

“Come here, Boy! We’ll go inside,”

I whined before I nagged.

So now my folks are mad at me

and said that it was bad

to get poor Henry all worked up

then make poor Henry sad.

And so they have decided,

and I’ll admit I cried

cause extra chores I now must do

while Henry gets a ride.

Other Things #28 – I’m Checking Out for Awhile

I’m going to be taking a little time off from my blog because, at this point, I don’t want to have any deadlines at all. I’m Type A to the point that I have to post once a week, my commitment to myself, or I won’t be happy because even self-imposed deadlines have the ability to cause me stress.

My life has been increasingly difficult for several months because last summer, I was diagnosed with advance osteoarthritis in both of my hips. I was stunned since I hadn’t been feeling pain in my hips, and still don’t, for the most part. My family doctor suggested that he refer me to a surgeon so I could get on the list for hip replacements as I would be needing them, and it can take a while to even see a surgeon, let alone have the operation.

Within a few weeks of the referral, I was sitting in the surgeon’s office, and he told me that he was putting me on the “urgent” list. Once more, I was stunned. I didn’t feel “urgent” — just awkward. I could have had my operation soon after that, but I told the medical people that I wanted to finish my school semester and have the operation in the spring when I had several months off.

I got through the semester well enough, and I’m happy that I waited, but I have started walking with a cane and climbing the staircase to the second floor is becoming quite a challenge.

I have now been given a surgery date of May 2. I’m thrilled that I’m finally going to have the operation because I do want to get on with it so that I will be doing well by the fall when I’ll return to school. Most of all, I want to be able to walk with ease and climb stairs. Both hips will be done in the same operation, unless the doctor decides to do only one. I’m a healthy type, more or less, so I expect that all will be well and both hips will be done at once.

After the operation, naturally, there will be a number of weeks of unpleasant recovery, but I’m feeling grateful that I’m living at a time when hip replacement surgery is commonplace. I’m also thankful that Canada has the healthcare system it does have and that I don’t have to worry about the cost of any of it. I’m thankful I have a husband who has been helping me as much as he can and will do all that he can to help me after surgery. I’m thankful for the daily phone support of my sister who lives in Vancouver, and I’m thankful for the support system I have from my many good friends.

When I’m through all the “drama of recovery” and I feel up to facing deadlines, I’ll get back to blogging. I hope I’ll be able to write some poetry as I’m recovering, and I’ll doubtless be reading your blogs. I greatly appreciate that you take the time to read The Lonely Meatball which is why I’ve filled you in on what’s been happening in my life and will be happening soon. So, until we meatball again! (I know that’s pathetic, but I couldn’t stop myself.)

The Hunt

Nancy has the meanest dog;

they tell me he broke free,

and that the rotten flea-bag

is hunting now for me.

You see, I am the paper-boy

who tries to do his best,

but it really isn’t my fault

that rotten dog’s obsessed.

I must deliver papers

before the hour of eight,

and when I get to Nancy’s,

I see the dog I hate.

He barks and growls hysterically

the whole time I am there.

His leash is my salvation,

but he gives me quite a scare.

So I quickly throw the paper,

cause I know he wants me dead,

but it really isn’t my fault,

it keeps landing on his head.

This is the first poem I posted on this blog, and since few people have read it, and it is one of my favourite poems, I decided to repost it.

My Brother’s April Fools’ Day

On April 1st, my brother, Fred,

couldn’t believe what I had said.

I’d said that if the wind was right,

even trucks could be in flight.

“Of course,” I said, “it is the truth;

a truck could land right on our roof.

Even cows can fly around.”

Now my brother really frowned.

“It’s April 1st,” he said to me,

“and what you say just cannot be.

Trucks and cows sure cannot fly!

I’m not a fool — I know you lie!”

“I know I’m right,” I said with glee,

“but why not make a bet with me.

A bag of chips will be the pay.”

He shook my hand without delay.

On April 1st, dear Fred did learn

tornados are a real concern.

I knew he’d doubt me on that day,

and that the chips he’d have to pay!

This was first posted last April Fool’s Day! (Don’t be surprised if you see it once again a year from now.😊)

The Nightmare

I had a nightmare late last night

that two men stole my dog,

and when I went and looked for him,

all I could see was fog.

The fog was just so thick and dense

that nothing could I see.

Then round my legs I felt a rope,

so now I wasn’t free.

The men that stole my dearest friend

soon had me all tied up.

I pleaded with them, “Let me go,

and give me back my pup!”

They laughed at me and disappeared,

and cause I was so bound,

I really could not move at all,

nor could I look around.

My heart was racing in that dream,

and it was filled with pain.

Then suddenly — I woke right up

though foggy was my brain.

I felt relief in great big waves,

but still, I was all bound

cause sleeping right on top of me

was Jack, my crazy hound!

My Grandma

My grandma’s coming Sunday,

and I can hardly wait.

I love my grandma lots and lots,

and she sure thinks I’m great.

She loves to give me special treats!

Her cookies are the best!

She’s taught me how to say the grace,

and so our meals are blessed.

She reads to me and never says

she doesn’t have the time.

I get my books that I want read

and on her lap I climb.

Hide and Seek’s our favorite game,

and I know how to hide,

and grandma only finds me,

once she’s tried and tried.

But if I’m tried and grumpy

or acting kind of dumb,

I’ve noticed that’s when Grandma

always goes and gets my mom.

The Cowlick

I have a cowlick in my hair

that drives me quite insane.

Those strands of hair will not lie down;

it’s hair you cannot train.

Yet Tuesday morning when I woke,

I had a different thought —

I’d make those hairs behave for once,

no matter how they fought.

I combed and brushed and combed some more,

but still they would not lie,

and so I got my brother’s gel —

it sure was worth a try!

I took a great big glob of gel

and slapped it on that hair,

so when the cowlick popped back up,

all I could do was stare!

Five bobby pins would not keep down

those nasty, stubborn strands,

and neither would, you won’t believe,

my sister’s three hairbands.

I now agree I lost my cool!

In fact, I went too far!

I used a tube of Superglu

before I used the tar.

Despite all that, those hairs soon poked

out from that tar so black,

yet I would not admit defeat,

and made one last attack.

“You’ll stand no longer, stupid hair!”

I ranted and I raved,

but now I’m truly sorry ’bout

the bald spot that I shaved.

“The Cowlick” was originally published in my poetry book, The New Toe: Poems To Tickle Your Funnybone”, in 2001.

Young Love

I really know that I’m in love,

even though I’m eight,

cause when I see her smile and laugh,

the whole world sure feels great.

She’s at school every day,

and every day we talk,

and at recess, I don’t play —

with her, I’d sooner walk.

Someday when I’m old enough,

I’ll marry her, I know,

cause I can tell she loves me too —

her smile sure tells me so.

And until then, I’ll study hard,

so my goals I’ll reach,

cause Mrs. Stewart, my true love,

sure knows how to teach!

No Return

Derek brought a yo-yo

and thought it would be great.

Doing lots of yo-yo tricks,

he felt sure was his fate.

But Derek’s brand new yo-yo

didn’t want to play

and wouldn’t roll back up the string —

there simply was no way!

Still, Derek tried to make it work

till finally he did learn

that nothing he could ever do

would make that thing return.

His yo-yo made him angry

since it would only hang,

and so he threw it in the trash

and bought a boomerang!

The Lesson of the Hula-hoop

Sandy had a hula-hoop

and all she did each day

was stand around and hula-hoop,

her only form of play.

The trouble was the silly girl

went to the extreme.

She hula-hooped so very much,

she make her mother scream!





But Sandy just ignored her mom

and hula-hooped some more,

so her father got involved

and yelled, “YOU HAVE A CHORE!”

But Sandy just ignored her dad

and hula-hooped with glee,

and Sandy acting like a brat

is what someone did see.

Mrs. Jones lived down the block

and knew her neighbours well,

but what her neighbours didn’t know

is she could cast a spell.

She was, in fact, a kindly witch

who thought that children should

just do what their parents said

in order to be good.

Her spell made Sandy’s hula-hoop

drop right to the ground,

and suddenly, that hula-hoop

was no longer round!

The hula-hoop was now a square

and was no longer fun,

and Sandy’s hula-hooping days

were very clearly done.

Yes, children need to do the chores

that their parents say,

and if they do, I’m certain that

they’ll also get to play.