The Nightmare

I had a nightmare late last night

that two men stole my dog,

and when I went and looked for him,

all I could see was fog.

The fog was just so thick and dense

that nothing could I see.

Then round my legs I felt a rope,

so now I wasn’t free.

The men that stole my dearest friend

soon had me all tied up.

I pleaded with them, “Let me go,

and give me back my pup!”

They laughed at me and disappeared,

and cause I was so bound,

I really could not move at all,

nor could I look around.

My heart was racing in that dream,

and it was filled with pain.

Then suddenly — I woke right up

though foggy was my brain.

I felt relief in great big waves,

but still, I was all bound

cause sleeping right on top of me

was Jack, my crazy hound!

My Grandma

My grandma’s coming Sunday,

and I can hardly wait.

I love my grandma lots and lots,

and she sure thinks I’m great.

She loves to give me special treats!

Her cookies are the best!

She’s taught me how to say the grace,

and so our meals are blessed.

She reads to me and never says

she doesn’t have the time.

I get my books that I want read

and on her lap I climb.

Hide and Seek’s our favorite game,

and I know how to hide,

and grandma only finds me,

once she’s tried and tried.

But if I’m tried and grumpy

or acting kind of dumb,

I’ve noticed that’s when Grandma

always goes and gets my mom.

The Cowlick

I have a cowlick in my hair

that drives me quite insane.

Those strands of hair will not lie down;

it’s hair you cannot train.

Yet Tuesday morning when I woke,

I had a different thought —

I’d make those hairs behave for once,

no matter how they fought.

I combed and brushed and combed some more,

but still they would not lie,

and so I got my brother’s gel —

it sure was worth a try!

I took a great big glob of gel

and slapped it on that hair,

so when the cowlick popped back up,

all I could do was stare!

Five bobby pins would not keep down

those nasty, stubborn strands,

and neither would, you won’t believe,

my sister’s three hairbands.

I now agree I lost my cool!

In fact, I went too far!

I used a tube of Superglu

before I used the tar.

Despite all that, those hairs soon poked

out from that tar so black,

yet I would not admit defeat,

and made one last attack.

“You’ll stand no longer, stupid hair!”

I ranted and I raved,

but now I’m truly sorry ’bout

the bald spot that I shaved.

“The Cowlick” was originally published in my poetry book, The New Toe: Poems To Tickle Your Funnybone”, in 2001.

Young Love

I really know that I’m in love,

even though I’m eight,

cause when I see her smile and laugh,

the whole world sure feels great.

She’s at school every day,

and every day we talk,

and at recess, I don’t play —

with her, I’d sooner walk.

Someday when I’m old enough,

I’ll marry her, I know,

cause I can tell she loves me too —

her smile sure tells me so.

And until then, I’ll study hard,

so my goals I’ll reach,

cause Mrs. Stewart, my true love,

sure knows how to teach!

No Return

Derek brought a yo-yo

and thought it would be great.

Doing lots of yo-yo tricks,

he felt sure was his fate.

But Derek’s brand new yo-yo

didn’t want to play

and wouldn’t roll back up the string —

there simply was no way!

Still, Derek tried to make it work

till finally he did learn

that nothing he could ever do

would make that thing return.

His yo-yo made him angry

since it would only hang,

and so he threw it in the trash

and bought a boomerang!

The Lesson of the Hula-hoop

Sandy had a hula-hoop

and all she did each day

was stand around and hula-hoop,

her only form of play.

The trouble was the silly girl

went to the extreme.

She hula-hooped so very much,

she make her mother scream!

“SANDY, PUT THAT THING AWAY!

YOU NEED TO CLEAN YOUR ROOM!

GIVE ME THAT DARN HULA-HOOP

AND THEN JUST GRAB THE BROOM!”

But Sandy just ignored her mom

and hula-hooped some more,

so her father got involved

and yelled, “YOU HAVE A CHORE!”

But Sandy just ignored her dad

and hula-hooped with glee,

and Sandy acting like a brat

is what someone did see.

Mrs. Jones lived down the block

and knew her neighbours well,

but what her neighbours didn’t know

is she could cast a spell.

She was, in fact, a kindly witch

who thought that children should

just do what their parents said

in order to be good.

Her spell made Sandy’s hula-hoop

drop right to the ground,

and suddenly, that hula-hoop

was no longer round!

The hula-hoop was now a square

and was no longer fun,

and Sandy’s hula-hooping days

were very clearly done.

Yes, children need to do the chores

that their parents say,

and if they do, I’m certain that

they’ll also get to play.

Math’s No Fun

My teacher is the strangest one

cause she says math is really fun.

She smiles when adding on the board

just like each number is adored.

In lots of ways, I think it’s sad

her sense of fun is just so bad.

Three plus three and eight plus eight

are no fun —I’d sooner skate.

I’d sooner play some basketball.

I’d sooner walk around a mall.

I’d sooner watch a TV show.

I’d sooner play outside in snow.

I’d sooner never have to add.

Subtraction makes me just feel bad.

Division is the worst thing yet,

and multiplying — I don’t get!

“To each his own,” my mother said,

but still math makes me scratch my head.

I’m sure most people think like me;

“Math’s no fun,” they would agree.

Possibly, my teacher’s not

as crazy as I’ve maybe thought.

About this, I suspect I’m right.

She’s said she bowls on Friday night.

Possibilities

Some things are just impossible

and make me want to cry

because I cannot do those things

no matter how I try.

For example, yesterday,

my arms I flapped and flapped

but could not lift up from the ground

like birds — so I felt trapped!

Then I thought I’d dig a den

and live just like a bear,

but Mom said, “Nope! Forget it!”

which I didn’t think was fair.

I told my mom that I was sad

bout things I couldn’t do,

and then she smiled and softly said,

“I’ve just the thing for you.”

She left the room and soon returned,

then handed me a list

of lots of possibilities

I wanted to resist.

I did not want to dust my room

nor brush our lazy cat.

I did not want to have a bath

nor phone my aunt to chat.

I did not want to help Mom weed

or even pick the peas.

I did not want to bath the dog

nor search for my lost keys.

What I have learned is don’t complain!

Relax and just stay calm,

cause you won’t like what’s possible,

according to your mom.

The Day After Groundhog’s Day

It’s February third today,

and in my den I plan to stay.

I’m scared to venture out my door!

My poor, old nerves can stand no more!

On the second, yesterday,

I thought I’d go outside and play,

so from my den I happily walked —

the scene before me left me shocked!

Fifty cameras, maybe more,

flashed as I walked out my door.

“He sees his shadow!” were the cries!

I just saw spots before my eyes.

Now spots are gone, the people too!

T’was awful what they put me through!

The folks round here are dumb as rocks,

cause I’m no groundhog — I’m a fox!

This poem was originally posted February 2021, and I have a feeling you’ll see it a year from now!

Class Discussions

Teacher made us read a book

that I thought was a bore,

so reading every single page

was nothing but a chore.

The characters were really dumb.

In fact, there were three bears,

and a girl named Goldilocks

who sat in all their chairs.

She ate some of their porridge

and slept in Baby’s bed,

and when the bears discovered her,

I thought that she’d be dead.

But no — that girl escaped those bears

which made no sense to me,

cause how could one blonde little girl

outrun the bears — all three?

Lots of kids agreed with me

and said it couldn’t be done.

In fact, our class discussion

was really lots of fun.

Our teacher kept on asking us

to back up what we thought.

She said, “Give me your logic”,

and logic’s what she got.

We said that Goldilocks, in truth,

was sure a little brat.

Teacher said, “Then back it up.

Explain why you think that.”

And as we talked and gave our proof

for judgements that was had,

our teacher smiled and nodded

and just looked really glad.

I’d thought she’d be insulted

cause I didn’t like her book,

but that, for sure, was not the case,

judging by her look.

So now I love to read her books

and think of what I’ll say,

cause talking bout those books we read

almost feels like play.