I’m sitting here just waiting —
my face is hot and red.
I have to make a speech today
which fills me with great dread.
Miss Roberts will say, “Freddy,
it’s time we heard from you.”
And so I’ll shuffle to the front;
there’s nothing else to do.
My teacher says to babble
about my boring life,
or maybe talk about my dreams —
the job, the kids, the wife?
I’ll tell them I play hockey.
I’ll tell them bout my bird.
I’ll tell them I like TV.
I’ll feel just like a nerd.
For as I stand there talking,
my friend will sit and smirk
and that’s why public speaking
makes me feel like such a jerk.
I guess that I’ll survive it.
I’ll sigh when I’m all done,
and when my friend gets up to speak —
believe me — I’ll have fun!
The Lonely Meatball 
They say that public speaking is most people’s greatest fear. I’ve never understood that, have you?
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It depends on my audience and even the occasion.
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Enter the peashooter.
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Honestly, when you think about it, it’s stunning pea-shooters were ever on the market. I wonder how many kids lost eyes because of pea-shooters. I’d actually forgotten all about them
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What we would do was take apart a Bic pen and use the outer casing for a pea shooter. Except we would chew up tiny bits of paper and shoot those. As Lou Costello would say, “Oh! I’m a baaad boy!”
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We could actually buy them!
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Wow.
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