The Valentine

I knew Jane stole a valentine

to me from Douglas Ryan,

and when I asked her for it back,

that’s when she started lyin’.

She said, “I never touched that thing.

Why would you think I had?”

I knew that she was lying,

so I started getting mad!

“I know you did. You needn’t lie.”

(Her theft I hadn’t seen.)

“The reason that you took that card

is cause you’re jealous green.”

“You’re nuts,” she said, “you’re really nuts!”

while tears rolled down her cheeks,

so then I said, “Doug likes me best,

and you’ve loved him for weeks.”

The kids all took sides, one by one;

soon everyone was mad.

It was the world’s worst day of love

the world has ever had.

So when I got home with my stack

of valentines and stuff,

my mother took one look at me

and knew my day’d been rough.

Still mad about the missing card,

I slumped down in a chair,

and had a little crying jag

beneath my mother’s stare.

She crouched beside me as I cried

and then gave me a hug,

while picking up a valentine,

she softly said, “Who’s Doug?”

Drying Dishes

Dan asks to dry the dishes,

at least six times a year,

and so his mother lets him,

despite apparent fear.

With care he stands there drying;

the dear boy will not stop,

and then it finally happens —

some dishes he will drop.

“I’m sorry,” he will stammer.

“How it happened, I can’t guess.

I want to help with dishes,

and not just cause you stress.”

His mom replies, “You play now.

You are too young to dry.

Don’t worry, Son, it’s all right now —

at least you want to try.”

And so the boy then plays outside,

upon the grass so green.

His little plan has worked for years,

for now he is thirteen.

Grandpa’s Sleep

My grandpa woke up from his nap,

and now my mom is mad.

She said I meant to wake him

and really should feel bad.

I told her I had made no noise —

the noise was from my drum,

but she just sighed and said that my

excuse was really dumb.

My mom is sure a meany

who probably rides a broom!

Because she is so mad at me,

she sent me to my room.

And Grandpa made a promise

that Mom says he can’t keep.

He promised that he’d play with me

when he woke from his sleep.

The Day After Groundhog Day

It’s February third today,

and in my den I plan to stay.

I’m scared to venture out my door!

My poor, old nerves can stand no more!

On the second, yesterday,

I thought I’d go outside and play,

so from my den I happily walked —

the scene before me left me shocked!

Fifty cameras, maybe more,

flashed as I walked out my door.

“He sees his shadow!” were the cries!

I just saw spots before my eyes.

Now spots are gone, the people too!

T’was awful what they put me through!

The folks round here are dumb as rocks,

cause I’m no groundhog — I’m a fox!

Her Brand New Style

Sally’s put some make-up on,

but she is only three,

and that’s the reason for the blob

of lipstick on her knee.

That’s the reason that you see

mascara on her nose,

and the reason she now has

those multi-coloured toes.

The little brush to polish nails

sure made dear Sally smile,

so now her cheeks are cherry red —

she loves her brand new style!

Yes, Sally put some make-up on

cause she is all alone,

which will surprise her mother

when her mom gets off the phone.

Rules

Rules really get me down;

they make my life a drag,

‘cause rules make the grown-ups tense,

and make the grown-ups nag.

Say “please” and “thanks” and “pardon me”;

chew quietly as able.

Don’t ever stare at other folks;

no elbows on the table.

At school, walk and never run;

in class, don’t talk with friends.

The list of “don’ts” goes on and on;

in fact, it never ends!

There is one thing I know for sure,

a source of much regret —

it’s there is not a single rule

that I cannot forget!

Revenge

I’m watering the garden

on orders from my dad.

I’m soaking all the carrots

and really feeling glad.

The water’s like a sabre

I’m flashing high and low,

and while the sun is shining,

the water sure does glow.

But now I see my sister

who’s with her stupid friend

who always looks at me and smiles

and says, “How are you, Glen?”

Those stupid girls are whispering —

I sense the subject’s me,

and now they’re really giggling

and making sure I see.

Those girls are really stupid

cause everybody knows —

a boy is sure to get revenge

if that boy has a hose.

Babysitting Ted

Last night I went to babysit

a little boy named Ted,

and everything went really well

‘til I said, “Time for bed.”

Ted looked at me and shouted, “No!”

and then ran from the room.

I called his name, got no response —

my mood, now one of gloom.

To the kitchen I then went

and there stood little Ted,

holding up a dozen eggs

high above his head!

“Come on, Ted, give me the eggs.”

He lowered them right then,

and from the carton, took an egg

and clucked just like a hen.

He said, “I’m going to throw these eggs

unless I get to play.

There’s no way that I’m going to bed,

so now what do you say?”

What would you say had you been me?

I’d never felt so cross!

All I knew is that I must

continue to be boss.

“I give up, Ted. I’m going home.

Just tell your folks — I quit!”

You should have seen his little face

as I put on my mitt.

He started crying really hard —

t’was music to my ears!

He put the carton in the fridge;

and couldn’t control his tears.

“I’ve changed my mind. I’ll go to bed.

Don’t leave me all alone.”

I looked at him a long, long time —

he gave a little moan.

“Okay,” I said, “but not a peep,

so off you go to bed.”

“Okay,” he said, “I’ll go to sleep”,

and to his room did head.

Thinking Ted would throw those eggs

was honestly quite tough,

and I’m just grateful Ted’s so young

he couldn’t detect my bluff!

Encouragement

My sister’s learning how to cook;

Mom makes us eat each meal,

and cause Meg needs “encouragement”,

we can’t say what we feel.

Dinner used to be a time

when I’d relax and eat,

because my mom’s the greatest cook,

so each meal was a treat.

My sister’s meals are not like Mom’s,

despite the fact she tries.

She always makes a huge mistake,

and then she screams and cries.

“It’s fine,” Mom says. “It still tastes good”,

but that is not the truth.

Yes, just last week, when Meg made buns,

one nearly cracked my tooth!

I’m really tired of choking down

her latest recipe,

and if Meg doesn’t soon improve,

then I’ll need therapy.

Yet her bad meals, I realize,

should give me some relief,

cause I will need “encouragement” —

yes, that is my belief.

Tomorrow is a special day;

reports cards we will see,

so Mom must say, “It’s still quite good”,

when looking at each “D”!

Artistic Pursuits

Kenny was a drummer

and he was only four;

that’s why when once you heard him,

you hoped to hear no more.

He had no sense of rhythm,

but thought he sounded good,

and so he played as loudly

as his drum set could.

He crashed and banged each hour,

so happy in his youth,

and cause his mother loved him,

she couldn’t tell him the truth.

He really sounded dreadful,

and she was driven mad,

but thought of a solution

with help from Kenny’s dad.

They bought their boy an easel,

some paper and some paint,

and Kenny took to painting

with simply no complaint.

His drum set was forgotten

and soon it disappeared;

cause while he painted madly,

of drums his memory cleared.

His pictures sure have color

and have a certain style,

and though he is no artist,

they make his parents smile.

These parents learned a lesson,

and what, indeed, they found

is though paint sure is messy,

loud colours have no sound.