The Accidents

My brother Eric’s learning

to drive the family car,

and here’s the list of accidents

that he has had so far.

He smashed into the garbage cans,

they rolled right down the lane

and scattered garbage everywhere,

so neighbours did complain.

And then there was the afternoon

the car went for a swim,

cause Eric drove into the lake —

the damage was quite grim.

Just yesterday the accident

was sure something to see.

My brother made the family car

climb halfway up a tree.

Yes, accidents will happen;

bad luck will surely strike.

That’s why my parents, just today,

bought Eric a new bike!

Food Fight

I saw a movie yesterday

and in my favourite scene,

there was the biggest food fight,

I’m sure, there’s ever been.

Hot dogs, relish, great big pies

went flying through the air —

every kind of food, in fact,

and no one seemed to care!

Although the kids were quite a mess,

they laughed and just threw more,

and seemed to laugh the hardest

when slipping on the floor.

And so I’m sure my dad will laugh

until his face is red,

when tonight, I up and fling

a meatball at his head!

The Third Ear

An extra ear has Danny Geer,

on his head, and at the rear.

It’s the best ear of the three,

for it can hear all sounds that be.

The fun of this is that he hears

the whispered secrets of his peers.

He heard that Sally tried to smoke,

and it darn near made her choke.

He heard that Tara once liked Doug,

and now she thinks that he’s a slug.

He heard that Ben Clark stole some gum.

He heard the teacher’s really dumb.

He heard that Sandra has to keep

her teddy close so she can sleep.

Then something made his three ears droop —

he heard that Danny Geer’s a snoop!

Fame

My best friend has a broken hand

from falling off a slide.

The poor kid was in awful pain

and screamed and yelled and cried.

But now he sits in Miss Clark’s class;

his cast bears every name.

Yes, falling off the slide has brought

that awkward kid some fame.

Miss Clark’s extra nice to him;

he doesn’t have to work,

because he broke his writing hand —

the lucky little jerk!

Cindy Andrews, who is cute,

now talks to him at lunch,

while I just sit and watch them talk

and on my sandwich — munch.

Last night I went a thousand times

just streaking down that slide,

but didn’t fall off and break my hand

no matter how I tried!

She Just Stared

Mary, at her sister, stared.

At Mary, her big sister glared.

“Stop staring! Listen! Do you hear?

You’re staring makes me feel so queer!”

But Mary smirked and she just stared,

and so her sister’s temper flared.

“Stop it! Right now! I’ll go mad!

It’s really making me feel bad!”

But Mary smirked and she just stared;

that’s when her sister slyly dared,

“I’ll bet you can’t stop staring now.

I’ll bet that you’ve forgotten how!”

But Mary smirked and she just stared,

while her big sister acted scared.

“You’re really scary cause you’re weird.

You’re no doubt someone to be feared.”

But Mary smirked and she just stared —

then slowly Sis no longer cared.

So Mary stopped.

My Excuse

I didn’t do my homework

but I have a good excuse.

Last night, just after dinner,

our dog got on the loose.

He ran out of our open gate,

so what else could I do?:

I had to chase right after him,

so down the lane I flew.

That dog ran to the playground

and so to stop his run,

I acted like my goal was not

to capture him — but fun.

So I jumped on the monkey bars

and climbed and swung around.

Butch thought I’d forgotten him

and then sat on the ground.

My plan was going beautifully,

but time I had to bide,

so close to Butch I slowly moved

by playing on the slide.

That dog now lay upon the grass

and I began to sing,

pretending I was full of joy —

then I moved to a swing.

I swung and sang and sang and swung

til Butch was fast asleep.

At last, I thought, the time was right

and from the swing did leap.

I leapt beside that sleeping dog

and grabbed him by the collar.

Butch jumped up but couldn’t run.

“I’ve caught you!” I did holler.

So we got home at nine o’clock,

the time I go to bed,

but cause my homework wasn’t done,

I thought that I was dead.

Then I remembered, Mrs. Blake,

you love your dog, named Bruce.

Yes, you’d have done the same as me,

and that is my excuse.

Mungle

A dreadful thing occurred one night

that’s still hard to conceive,

and once I’ve told you all the facts,

I’m sure you won’t believe.

My family all was tucked in tight

and dreaming, I’ve no doubt,

but then, at once, we all awoke —

there’d been an awful shout!

It was my sister, Maggie Sue,

who’d screamed out in the night,

and we all ran to check her out

and soon turned pale with fright.

For there sat Maggie in her bed,

a hand mirror in her grasp;

it was the sweet girl’s little face

that made us stare and gasp.

Yes, that poor child was sure a sight,

the worst I’d ever seen,

for there upon her face were spots —

some pink, some blue, some green!

So Dr. Roberts soon was called

and soon we heard his knock,

and when he saw our Maggie Sue,

his look was one of shock.

He said, “My word! How could this be?

She has a case of mungle,

a rare disease that’s only seen

deep in the darkest jungle.”

He said, “Those spot must be removed

or she’ll grow deathly sick.

The trouble is the only cure

is in a lion’s lick.”

And so we all drove to the zoo

for therein lived the cure,

and soon we stood at Leo’s cage

and listened to him purr.

The nasty details that come next

of screaming and great fear,

nice folks, like you, I do expect

would rather never hear.

An hour later, Maggie’s face

was spotless – smooth as cream!

And thankfully, the child’s convinced

t’was all a frightful dream.

Ten Fingers

I had a math test yesterday;

the test was awfully tough.

The trouble is ten fingers are

just simply not enough!

For three plus four, my fingers worked —

I counted up to seven.

But how the heck do fingers work

when counting to eleven?

For ten plus five, I shook my head;

yes, me it did confuse,

until I had the good sense to

remove my socks and shoes!

The Worm

To prove my love to Laura Woods,

she made me eat a worm.

She pulled a fat one from the dirt —

you should have seen it squirm!

“If you love me,” Laura said,

“you’ll eat it, I’m quite sure.”

She brushed a little dirt from it —

the next part is a blur!

I took that worm from Laura Woods

and opened my mouth wide

and then remember nothing more,

no matter how I’ve tried.

Laura said I ate the worm

to prove my love was true,

but why I ever loved that girl —

now I have no clue!