Left Field

This T-ball game is boring;

I’m sitting in left field,

and if the ball comes near me,

my glove will be my shield.

I’m frightened of the baseball

cause Bobby once was hit,

and ever since that T-ball game,

in left field I just sit.

My dad says, “Don’t be frightened”,

but Bobby sure did scream,

so sitting in this field’s the way

that I support my team.

Good grief — some kid has hit it!

At me! I’m going to die!

But now the crowd is cheering

cause I just caught a fly!

Mad

At times, because I get quite bored,

I like to bug my brother, Gord.

I know that once I get him mad,

the boredom’s gone which makes me glad.

When Gord is mad, he’ll often chase

me round the yard — it’s quite a race.

I’ll scream insults and so will he

which adds excitement as I flee.

My heart will pound and I’ll run fast,

but all this fun’s too good to last.

Soon Mom gets mad and makes us quit

cause if we don’t, she throws a fit.

She’ll send us to our separate rooms

or give us extra chores with brooms.

But right now Gord is chasing me

cause Mom is gone til half past three!

Summer Blues

The summer’s here and school’s through,

but now I don’t know what to do.

I’ve played with friends and watched TV,

but now those things don’t interest me.

I’ve slept and read and cruised the Net,

until I’m bored as I can get.

I’ve swum and biked and jumped and run,

but now those pastimes are no fun.

“What should I do?” I’ve whined to Mom,

but her suggestions are just dumb.

Clean your room or write a letter —

you’d think a mother could do better!

I’m really thinking I’ll go mad

with boredom — nothing is as bad!

In school, I would sit and dream

of summer — what does all this mean?

I know I’m driving Mom insane

because I’m just a whining pain.

Wow!

At solving problems, Mom’s the champ —

she just told me I’m going to camp!

My Secret

My folks will sure be angry

when I tell them the truth.

In fact, they’ll be so angry,

I know they’ll hit the roof.

They’ll disconnect my TV

because I broke their trust.

I wish I could avoid this,

but tell them — now I must!

Last night, just after supper,

my dad said, “Guess what, Son!

Your mom and I decided

this family needs some fun.”

“And so, we’re going camping.

We’re leaving Friday night.”

And since my dad’s announcement,

I’ve really been uptight.

You see, I have a secret,

I hide beneath my bed,

But if we camp for two weeks,

I’ll find my secret dead.

My Monkey

I wish I owned a monkey;

I know that we’d have fun.

He’d be just like a brother;

my folks could call him “Son”.

We’d watch TV together;

my homework we’d both do.

We’d play my favourite board games —

Monopoly and Clue.

I’d let him wear my t-shirts;

we’d skateboard everyday.

I’m sure whatever sport I’d want

that monkey would just play.

But sadly, there is no hope.

No monkey will I own.

I’m stuck with Butch, our boring dog

whose interest is his bone!

Lessons From the Beanstalk

I found some magic beans once

and planted them with glee.

I knew a beanstalk would appear

and up it, I’d soon be.

I planned to rob the giant

who lives upon a cloud.

I’d steal his magic harp and goose

and make my parents proud.

And so the giant stalk grew

which I then climbed in haste.

The harp and goose I soon snatched

and me, the giant chased.

He chased me down the beanstalk,

yelling with great might,

but soon I got to my house

and knew I’d be all right.

The harp and goose I showed Mom,

and then I showed my dad,

but much to my amazement —

neither one was glad!

“You must return those things, Jeff,

or you’ll end up in jail.

Robbing is a crime, Jeff.”

My face turned ghastly pale.

Mom marched me up the beanstalk;

I clutched the stolen goods.

Mom lectured me the whole time

that we walked through the woods.

The giant was quite gracious

and said that I would learn.

The goose and harp I gave him

and for them, I still yearn.

And so I’ve learned my lesson,

not to be a crook

and learned my parents are unlike

the parents in a book!

The Tea Party

Allan Jacobs, late last night,

went for a little walk,

and so, today, took me aside —

he said we had to talk.

While strolling by our teacher’s house,

he thought he’d spy for fun.

But Allan said that what he saw

soon made him shake and run.

Through the kitchen window, Allan said,

he watched this scene.

He said Miss Bates had company —

an alien quite green!

He said Miss Bates was drinking tea

along with her green guest,

and they were eating chocolate cake

and talking without rest.

I’ve always thought Miss Bates was strange

and this sure would be proof,

if I could just forget that Allan

seldom tells the truth.