Other Things #3 – Letter Theft

This is something I wrote years ago, and it’s a free verse poem with a “puzzle” in it. I had to write it on a different word program so that I could get extra spaces between words so that you would be able to figure out what has been written more easily. The autocorrect on the WordPress program wouldn’t allow me to put in the extra spaces. Anyway, I took a picture of the document which is why it looks like it does.

At the end of this, you’ll either feel pleased with yourself, or you’ll think I need to find better things to do with my time. I suppose it’s possible to have both reactions.

The Others and Me

Nancy Jenkins always lies;

Mary Saunders always cries.

Billy Grover is a cheat;

Andrew Sage has great, big feet.

Sally Green thinks she’s just great;

Doug Frey’s always running late.

Danny Day, well, he’s too tall;

Alice Johnson’s just too small.

Larry Prichard sucks his thumb;

Jackie Thompson’s really dumb.

Looking round it’s plain to see

the only perfect one is me!

The Gumball

Too lazy to dispose of gum

into the garbage bin,

I’ve swallowed each and every hunk;

I thought it was no sin.

Now, today, I’ve heard some news

that has me quite upset.

Doug said if you swallow gum,

it’s something you’ll regret.

His mother told him yesterday

the swallowed gum of years

will form a big ball deep inside —

the root of all my fears!

The gumball, after many years,

will take up too much space,

so in the tummy, swallowed food

will sadly find no place.

“You’ll starve to death!” Doug exclaimed.

“Mom said there’s just no doubt,

and so, of course, the doctor has to

cut that gumball out!”

I’ve changed my ways! It’s not too late!

I’m sure there’s still some room

in my tummy for some food,

so starving’s not my doom!

I’ve pledged to swallow gum no more —

Doug gave me quite a scare.

From here on in, I’ll always stick

my gum beneath my chair!

Special Chicken

We went to a restaurant,

my family and I,

Mother, Dad, and sister Kim —

our waiter’s name was Guy.

Soon Guy brought us our menus;

each once was like a book,

so over every menu page

did I begin to look.

I searched and stared but couldn’t decide

what I was going to eat.

My family had decided;

their order was complete.

I took ten extra minutes,

til everyone was ticked,

but this meal was to be

the best I’d ever picked.

Mom said, “Choose a burger.”

My dad agreed with Mom.

“I want something new,” I said.

My sister said, “You’re dumb.”

I wanted “Special Chicken”;

it sounded really good,

but it was quite expensive —

at last Dad said I could.

When Guy had finally served us,

I sampled mine with haste

and leaned back with a happy smile,

despite the awful taste!

Other Things #2 – You Won’t See This One Coming!!

When you look back over your past, you have a collection of isolated moments, and some shine more brightly because they are the memories you’ve shared a number of times. The story of Darlene and haiku poetry is one of my favourite memories because no one can ever see ”the punchline” coming.

I had only been teaching a few years, and I had a Grade 7 Language Arts class. One of the students was a lovely girl, named Darlene. She was a hard worker who had neat, clear hand-writing, and she always tried to meet the expectations of the teacher. On this particular day, I was teaching the class haiku poetry, and they copied the notes from the board. Traditional Japanese poetry form, often about nature or the seasons. Line one – 5 syllables. Line two – 7 syllables. Line three – 5 syllables. I showed the kids an example, and then I gave them the rest of the class to work on their own haikus.

After about ten minutes, Darlene was at my desk. I smiled and said, “Yes, Darlene?”

She said, “Ms McGregor, I don’t understand.”

I said, “Oh. Well. Do you know what a syllable is, Darlene?”

She said, “Yes.”

Had I been a more experienced teacher, I would have tested her right then, but I took her word for it, and I said, “Well, your first line is 5 syllables. Okay?”

“Okay.”

“Your second line is 7 syllables. Okay?”

“Okay.”

“And your third line is 5 syllables. Okay?”

“Okay.”

I smiled, and Darlene went back to her desk and sat down. I was pleased that I’d finally gotten through to her by simply repeating what I’d already written on the board. I went back to whatever terribly important thing I had been doing, and about ten minutes later, Darlene was back at my desk.

“Ms McGregor, I still don’t understand.”

I said, “Darlene, are you sure you know what a syllable is?”

“Yes,” she assured me.

“Darlene, how many syllables does ‘donkey’ have?”

“Two.”

“How many syllables does ‘important’ have?”

“Three”.

I tested a few more words, and Darlene got each word right. I was mystified. She really had an impressive grasp of syllables. Slowly, I said, “Okay then. The first line has 5 syllables – okay?”

“Okay.”

More slowly I said, “The second line has 7 syllables – okay?”

“Okay.”

Even more slowly, I said, “The third line has 5 syllables – okay?”

“Okay,” she said.

I smiled. I didn’t know what else to do or say at this point. Was third time really the charm?

Then Darlene said the words I will never forget, “But Ms McGregor, I don’t know Japanese.”

I’ll lay money you didn’t see that one coming! I sure didn’t, and I tried to wipe the stunned look off my face as quickly as possible, hoping not to embarrass the poor child, and then I said calmly, “Well, Darlene, you write it in English.” I hoped I’d given her the impression I was accustomed to kids mistakenly thinking they had to write poems in Japanese in my English class.

Looking relieved and possibly somewhat embarrassed, she said, “Oh. Okay,” and she went back to her desk.

Naturally, the example of the haiku I’d written on the board had been in English, since I — like Darlene — don’t know Japanese. Hadn’t she thought about the example at all? Furthermore, I supposed that she must have been thinking, until I set her straight, that the rest of the kids were writing in Japanese since their pens were moving. After all, what else would she have concluded? Yes indeed, what else?

Mr. Jolly

All the kids along our street

are glad as they can be,

cause mean old Mr. Jolly

we no longer have to see.

You’d think a man named Jolly

would be happy and great fun,

but anytime he showed his face,

all we kids would run.

He is the meanest man alive

and kids sure make him mad,

and he objected to whatever

seemed to make us glad.

If a ball rolled near his yard,

that ball was seen no more,

for Jolly’d race and get the ball,

then slam his big front door.

He has a big, mean dog, named Butch,

who frightens girls and boys,

and would appear and bark at us

whenever we made noise.

When Mr. Jolly moved away,

I thanked the stars above,

until I heard that he had sold

his house to Mr. Love!

The Fish Tank

We have a fish tank in our house;

it’s in my father’s den.

I watch my father feed those fish

just every now and then.

They eat, they swim, they eat some more,

that’s all they ever do.

What makes my father love those fish —

I haven’t got a clue.

They don’t fetch him the paper.

They can’t play ball or hunt.

They never lick him on the hand.

He can’t teach them a stunt.

He cannot take them for a walk.

They won’t sleep on his bed.

They never wag their tails at him

when they have been well-fed.

My dad’s fish are plain boring,

yes, each and every one.

I guess my father’s boring too

if he thinks fish are fun.

Mom’s Garage Sale

Right now my mom is standing

inside the open door,

and all our old junk’s sitting

on tables and the floor.

She’s labeled every item

with price tags — every one!

She’s charging twenty-five cents

for my old plastic gun.

Old brooms, old hats, old rubber boots,

each one will cost a buck,

and maybe she will sell them —

that’s with a little luck.

The stationary bike sits,

not going anywhere,

and I see people driving by,

but all they do is stare.

Old pencil cases, pots and pans,

old baskets and old clamps,

old clocks, old shoes, old plasticine,

and even some old stamps.

If Mom sells only half of it,

good money she will gain,

and so I’m praying really hard

for God to stop this rain.

Getting Even

Buried in our freezer

beneath some frozen steak

is my container full of snow

which now, today, I’ll take.

Of course, I’ll make some snowballs

to throw at brother Bart.

He needs to learn, for once and all,

he’s really not that smart.

He nailed me with some snowballs

and so did his friend, Dean,

and since I am much younger,

it really was quite mean.

I screamed that I’d get even!

They let more snowballs fly!

But now, I’ve the advantage —

for now — it is July!